Just 2

As a kid, I only wanted to do two things when I became an adult. Drink beer and owning a house.

Drinking beer: I’d always thought beer would taste like something sweet. It looked so beautiful and precious as if it were brewed from the Gods. No matter how many times I’ve asked dad to let me try some, he would say no and tell me to wait until I was legal to drink. When the time came for my first taste of beer, I wasn’t even an adult. I was only 16 and my first drink was a Heineken. Oh my, was I wrong about beer. It was the opposite of what i expected.

Own a house: Didn’t think owning a house in Auckland would be so difficult. Always thought my parents would pay for everything and have it ready for me by the time I reach adulthood. But no, I have to earn enough money myself to pay for my own house. I still can’t afford one and won’t be reading any house catalogs any time soon.*sigh* being an adult was tough, if only it were as easy as I imagined it.

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It’s just a man’s thing.

When was the last time you watched something so scary, cringe-worthy, or unbelievably tacky — in a movie, on TV, or in real life — you had to cover your eyes?

I haven’t seen Marley & Me because I already know the ending. It’s just too much for me to handle. I won’t let me do it. I can’t bear the thought of a man’s best friend…well… you know. I’d rather watch a ridiculously scary movie than watch Marley & Me. No matter how much of a man I think I am, I know that i will cause flash flooding all over the place. Although it is acceptable for a man to cry when their pet dies, it will destroy me emotionally. I won’t be able to function normally in today’s society and will break down whenever a pet crosses my path. I will have to invest in a fish bowl to fit over my big head to contain all salty tears bursting from my eyes. I need to work, study, drink beer, teach my son how to crush beer cans on his head and other manly stuff but if i was exposed to this movie I just won’t be the same.

 

 

 

My chip requirements

A mad scientist friend offers you a chip that would allow you to know what the people you’re talking to are thinking. The catch: you can’t turn it off. Do you accept the chip?

 

As it does not state how this chip is installed, I’m going to assume that it will be consumed so I would gladly accept the chip under my conditions:

  • Production must not involve illegal labour
  • Must be thin cut and meet requirements for easy insertion
  • Must be crispy
  • Must be full of flavour
  • Must be guilt free and contain vital nutrients
  • Must be properly sealed prior to consumption to sustain freshness
  • Must have the minimum of a 3-second rule otherwise I’ll have to resort to the 5-second rule
  • Must not go soft overtime as I might have second thoughts
  • Must not be a ghost chip
  • Must satisfy fullness of the stomach

The real question is, what kind of friend offers one chip? I’ll tell you exactly who. A selfish friend.